C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
