Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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