the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
