Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
