my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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