the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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