You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
