is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize