You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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