I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
