I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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