i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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