fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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