Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
