I am puke
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
