That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
