I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
