Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
