My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
