remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
