Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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