I think I died a long time ago.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
