Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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