Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
