Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
