woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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