Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
