My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
