can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
