I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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