when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
