found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
