Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
