We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
