Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
