you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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