I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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