i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God, I missed his penis.
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