happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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