I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
