I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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