Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
