If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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