so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
