I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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