I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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