Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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