even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
