pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're like the curious george of whores
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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