Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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