I'm drive I can fine osifer
Your dad touched me again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
