This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize