I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was born a porn star she said
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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