Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
