2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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