I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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