I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
