bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
