btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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