..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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