I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
