After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
