Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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