She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
