I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
