The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
