You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
