i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
