I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
