In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
