Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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