After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
